Saturday, October 15, 2011

How to Eat Vegan in the Apocalypse: a Home-style Recipe

Have you ever seen that show Apocalypse man?
All he really eats are canned foods he finds around the abandoned city, things like cat food. He never addresses being a vegan, natural foodie during the Apocalypse. So today, I'm going to give you a great idea for a comforting vegan meal, that is Apocalypse-friendly!

As soon as the shit goes down, head to the natural foods store. I'm sure no one will be there, because everyone figures there will be an abundance of grass and twigs outside after the catastrophic event takes place. It will be our little secret that there is actual good food in there - wink, wink. Grab a bunch of those pouches with brown rice, quinoa, and grains (you know the ones that say, "microwave in the pouch for 90 seconds"), then head to a Target or Walmart (the grocery is too obvious of a choice - really who is going to go to a place that sells targets and walls?). You might have to fight others in the bean isle, but once you win, grab yourself a can of black beans. In that same isle, you will find canned vegetable mixes that are natural and seasoned, especially if you are in a Super Target or Walmart. In my mock-Apocalypse scenario, I chose a can of seasoned okra, tomatoes, and corn. If you are concerned with your health still, read the back of the label, some cans of seasoned mixed vegetables do contain preservatives. The same goes for the black beans. If at this point, you don't give a flying fudgesicle about keeping your beautiful vegan body healthy, do what you gotta do. Now, you will have to find a bowl, which won't be hard in a store like this. Like really, who would be looting bowls at a time like this? Find one that is fire-safe. *Please note, the Dirty Vegan does not encourage or condone looting. We are talking about a fictional scenario that probably will not occur in our lifetimes (insert foot in mouth if the Mayans are right, hello 2012!)* Now is probably a good time to get a can opener and hang on to it. You will really need this now. Also, it might be a wise idea to cruise down the camping isle and get yourself some supplies. *Side note: After you enjoy your delicious home-style meal, you will want to get to a library. At the library, grab a book that tells you what plants are edible and safe to eat, you will be needing this also* Find a safe place for your fire. Set up one of those hangy things that you see hobos heat their beans on. Start a fire to cook your food. Don't ask me how to do this, I'm not a boy scout, I'm a vegan food blogger. Open pouch of grains, can of beans, and can of mixed seasoned vegetables, and combine in bowl. Heat food to your desired temperature, and enjoy!

Here is the full recipe:

Survival Home-style Vegan Meal #1 (yes, this means I will be doing another one of these ridiculous posts in the future)

2 cups rice/ quinoa/ grain combination
1 15oz can black beans
1 15oz can seasoned mixed vegetables

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