#CheersTo a Zevia Holiday Cocktail! Grown-up Root Beer Float!

Oh the relatives. The non-vegan, judgmental, close-minded, in yo' business, relatives. Yes, the personal question askin', intrusive, "are you married yet - why don't you have kids yet - are you pregnant right now (that explains your bloated face) - why aren't you having more kids yet - how many kids are you having in total - why are you still breastfeeding" inquiring relatives. Yep, its enough to make your let-it-snow, merrily merrily, holiday season want to come to a screeching ho-ho halt! Well, what if I were to tell you that it doesn't have to bother you? That's right, it doesn't have to bug you one bit! There is a super potion designed specifically for handling these pesky people that you have no choice but to deal with for eternity. It is called alcohol!

DASHING DISCLAIMER: Do not read this article if you are under 21 years of age! That's right kiddo! Get the heck off my website right now and go play with your Barbies before life takes a hold of you and makes you pay taxes, and bills, and makes you darn tired. Don't worry about alcohol just yet. You will have plenty of time for it when you actually will need it. You probably even still like your relatives at this point. Oh wait, life adds in in-laws too. Yeah, it gets worse.

With all this being said, you can't just drink yourself silly and drink plain alcohol all alone; that would make you an alcoholic. So, instead we cleverly disguise these wonderful elixirs with holly jolly names and themes. Without further ado, here is my first Zevia #CheersTo holiday drink for 2014! My theme will be #CheersTo tolerating our relatives this year and every year!

Grown-up Zevia Ginger Root Beer Float with Sugary Ginger Rim

Here's what you will need to create this masterpiece!

-2 tbsp colored sugar
-1/2 tsp ground ginger
-1 can of Zevia Ginger Root Beer
-1 ounce vanilla vodka
-1 heaping scoop of vanilla ice cream (I used So Delicious coconut milk ice cream in Vanilla Bean flavor)

Here's what you will need to do!

Choose your favorite cocktail glass. Mix together colored sugar (in the color of your choice - I used a sparkly green here) and ground ginger on a plate. Wet the top of the rim of your glass, then twirl the rim of it in the sugary ginger mixture. Set glass down. Fill glass with crushed ice. In a separate cocktail shaker, pour 1 can Zevia Ginger Root Beer, 1 ounce vanilla flavored vodka, then give it a gentle swirl. Carefully pour your cocktail into your sugared rim glass. Top with a heaping scoop of your favorite vanilla ice cream. Enjoy!

*Please drink responsibly - don't ruin it*

Stay tuned for more #CheersTo Zevia drink recipes!

#CheersTo Zevia... the official way to make drinks and not feel like a fat ass feel guilt-free!

Welcome to CrazyVille, Population: Lots.

I've been blogging since 2010. During this time as a writer, I have apparently touched some lives. I get lots of feedback from readers, whether they are emails, tweets, or meeting people at events (or even just out and about at places like Whole Foods!). I have gotten heart-warming emails from people telling me that I have encouraged them to go vegan, to change their lives, gave them courage to tell their doctors or their children's doctors (and "stick to their guns") about their vegan lifestyle, armed them with information that gives them strength to live a different lifestyle than their friends, family, and co-workers, helped their family lives by sharing recipes that they make and enjoy as a family, inspired them with my words, and so many other beautiful things that make my blogging such a special act for me to take part in. Whenever I receive this touching feedback, it is truly surreal and flattering, because I still think that I'm a capacious bore and I'm still surprised that ya'll like to read what I have to say. Thank you for that. And if you have stuck with me since 2010, you'll know how much I love the old saying, "the sweet ain't as sweet without the sour". With that being said, I have to share some of the zany feedback that I get too. I get a lot of crazy-town stuff, but here are a few standouts that are pretty amusing...

• I have had people ask why I care so much about animals but don't care about the vegetables's feelings.
• I was sampling out my vegan baked good once and a woman walked up to my table. I said, "these baked goods have no animal products, no GMOs, no artificial ingredients, etc.", and she said to me, "and they also have no taste".
• When I was pregnant someone once told me that my daughter is going to be mad at me for not feeding her cheeseburgers.
• People have told me that tofu is a gross alternative to meat.
• I like to post about vegan options that I find at restaurants. Someone once said that I had to have eaten non-vegan food because they know that restaurants do not serve vegan food.
• I hear this one a lot, "I used to be vegan, but I got sick and had to go back to eating meat". If these people were eating a healthy vegan diet, chances are they were detoxing all of the toxins out of their bodies from years of unhealthy eating. That could be why they felt sick, if they were even sick to begin with.
• Someone told me that soy beans are poison.
• I'll get random emails and tweets from people telling me that they just ate meat and that it was so delicious (gag!).
• Or people telling me that I don't get enough protein.

The point of this post is to remind you not to let antagonistic stuff get you down. Without the negative, the positive stuff wouldn't seem as wonderful. Simply, the sweet wouldn't be as sweet without the sour. And for now, the Dirty Vegan is signing off. Have a happy day!

Sunday Ramblings: Aliens Eating People

I have a tiny cold today. Vegan colds don't last very long, in the rare cases that we get them, so don't feel sorry for me. It will be gone in a second. I like tea, but especially when I'm not feeling very well. I sat down this morning with my Yogi Tea (I included the link just in case any of you don't know what that is). Now I love Yogi teas for their taste, flavors, varieties, and holistic benefits...however what I love the most is the little fortune on the tea tag. They were smart marketers those Yogis! I rip open a Yogi pouch every chance I get to see what today's insight will be. Today mine read...

The art of happiness is to serve all.

I smiled. That is kind of what I do. Serving animals and sharing my blog with humans. Blogging about both animal and human rights and also about the environment. Being an activist everyday, in everything that I do. Pretty cool. And then, I thought, remember that Twilight Zone episode, To Serve Man???!! Oh yeah, ya'll thought I was totally normal-blogging with this cold and I totally just threw a curve-ball atcha!

Here is a clip from the Twilight Zone episode, To Serve Man, set to some cool trippy music:

Basically, what happened was when communicating with space aliens, humans were averse, but then after humans were able to decipher the title of the aliens book, "To Serve Man", they thought that was really nice of the aliens. The episode is really great and you must see it if you haven't already.

Side Note: I watch these on Chiller network and for free on CBS online. Also, since I was a tot, I've been watching the holiday marathons that come on television at Fourth of July and New Years. I've also been on the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror ride at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. All of which are pretty neat! It happens to be my dream to own the Twilight Zone series, The Complete Definitive Collection. Yes, ALL the episodes ever made. Then no one will ever be able to pry me away from the tv and you'll be getting a lot of weird

posts from me that are Twilight Zone related but somehow connect to veganism. And perhaps some odd recipes as well.

In a nutshell, the black book is a preparation of how to serve man as a meal. I thought this was funny that I thought of this while I was drinking my Yogi. Humans have been eating animals without a care for years, what makes us think we are the highest on this so called "food chain"? I have always been interested to know who else is out there in other galaxies, dimensions, and spaces. We would be foolish to think we are

the only ones. And also slightly arrogant. We are minor specks in this vast universe, but we think we are so big, so mighty. I am happy I am vegan, and if we were ever to run into space aliens, perhaps they would spare us, perhaps karma would kick in at that very moment. I'd also be interested to know if aliens would even want to eat us at all. And I would want to know what the heck they eat!

So what are your thoughts on extraterrestrial life? Comment below; let me know what you think, or if you have been on the Twilight Zone Disney ride, or if you watch these shows, or whatever. Or you may just want to know where I purchased my satirical coffee mug, who knows. Talk to me. Don't leave me alone with my cold and my madness. And for now, the Dirty sci-fi Vegan is signing off.

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How to Eat Vegan in the Apocalypse: a Home-style Recipe

Have you ever seen that show Apocalypse man?
All he really eats are canned foods he finds around the abandoned city, things like cat food. He never addresses being a vegan, natural foodie during the Apocalypse. So today, I'm going to give you a great idea for a comforting vegan meal, that is Apocalypse-friendly!

As soon as the shit goes down, head to the natural foods store. I'm sure no one will be there, because everyone figures there will be an abundance of grass and twigs outside after the catastrophic event takes place. It will be our little secret that there is actual good food in there - wink, wink. Grab a bunch of those pouches with brown rice, quinoa, and grains (you know the ones that say, "microwave in the pouch for 90 seconds"), then head to a Target or Walmart (the grocery is too obvious of a choice - really who is going to go to a place that sells targets and walls?). You might have to fight others in the bean isle, but once you win, grab yourself a can of black beans. In that same isle, you will find canned vegetable mixes that are natural and seasoned, especially if you are in a Super Target or Walmart. In my mock-Apocalypse scenario, I chose a can of seasoned okra, tomatoes, and corn. If you are concerned with your health still, read the back of the label, some cans of seasoned mixed vegetables do contain preservatives. The same goes for the black beans. If at this point, you don't give a flying fudgesicle about keeping your beautiful vegan body healthy, do what you gotta do. Now, you will have to find a bowl, which won't be hard in a store like this. Like really, who would be looting bowls at a time like this? Find one that is fire-safe. *Please note, the Dirty Vegan does not encourage or condone looting. We are talking about a fictional scenario that probably will not occur in our lifetimes (insert foot in mouth if the Mayans are right, hello 2012!)* Now is probably a good time to get a can opener and hang on to it. You will really need this now. Also, it might be a wise idea to cruise down the camping isle and get yourself some supplies. *Side note: After you enjoy your delicious home-style meal, you will want to get to a library. At the library, grab a book that tells you what plants are edible and safe to eat, you will be needing this also* Find a safe place for your fire. Set up one of those hangy things that you see hobos heat their beans on. Start a fire to cook your food. Don't ask me how to do this, I'm not a boy scout, I'm a vegan food blogger. Open pouch of grains, can of beans, and can of mixed seasoned vegetables, and combine in bowl. Heat food to your desired temperature, and enjoy!

Here is the full recipe:

Survival Home-style Vegan Meal #1 (yes, this means I will be doing another one of these ridiculous posts in the future)


2 cups rice/ quinoa/ grain combination
1 15oz can black beans
1 15oz can seasoned mixed vegetables

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A Dog Poem...

When I read this poem I laughed so hard that I cried! Thought you might like this and it may remind you of your canine companion...

"I lie belly up...

In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.


Today I sniffed
Many dog butts — I celebrate
By kissing your face.


I sound the alarm!
Paperboy — come to kill us all —
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Garbage man — come to kill us all —
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot —
Sniff this and weep.


I Hate my choke chain —
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!


Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot — no greater bliss — well,
Maybe catching cats.


Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do."

-Anonymous

Love this, especially the part about the service workers being out "to kill us all". It just reminded me so much of Rocky and Shirley. The only part I don't like about the poem, is about the choke collar. I am against them and do not use choke collars, obviously. If you are kind and patient, you can teach your dog anything with positive reinforcement, not by abusive methods. When all else fails...use treats! Works every time. Works on people too. How do you think my parents taught me things like potty training? There is a reason I was reading at age three! Age three and high blood pressure from all the "treats". All kidding aside, I really was reading at age three. Fun fact about the Dirty Vegan. Why am I not working as a mad scientist you ask? I was born to be an animal rights activist and be the voice for my animal pals. And for now, the Reading-At-Age-Three-Animal-Loving-Fat-Kid is signing off.

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My Birthday and the Dirty Awards

My birthday is this week. I plan on eating plenty of vegan cake (and pretty much anything else I want - doesn't seem out of the ordinary at all actually). In honor of this joyous occasion, I have decided to start the annual Dirty Awards. These are the products that keep a gal being Naughty, because you know I wouldn't be able to do it without a little help. Only few earn this prestigious award, so you should feel honored happy. Let the Dirties begin!

You may be thinking the Dirties seem a little like these awards...

...well at least we are humorous like the Dundies and not pretentious too formal about our awards here at the Dirty Vegan. It is about having fun and not taking yourself life too seriously.

Congratulations to this year's award recipients! You have received recognition on this esteemed blog and the title as one of the Dirty Vegan's Enablers Favorite Foods/ Products!

Winner of Best Desserty Cereal goes to.... Nature's Path, Peanut Butter Granola

Winner of Best Vegan Junk/ Snack Food goes to... Dirty Vegan Foods, all of it

Winner of Best Vegan ButteryNess goes to... Earth Balance, Original Buttery Spread

Winner of Best Vegan Friendly Hemp Products goes to... Hippie Butter, Soaps and Lotions

Winner of Best Cruelty Free Hair Products goes to... Nature's Gate, Tea Tree Shampoo & Conditioner

Winner of Best Vegan Cream Cheese as Dirty as I remember it to be... Galaxy, Original & Chive Garlic

Winner of Best Health Food In Disguise goes to... Bragg's Liquid Aminos

Winner of Making My Coffee Naughtier than it already is goes to... Silk Creamer, Original

I would like to once again congratulate the winner's of this distinguished award. When choosing my Naughty products there are a lot to choose from out there, but I chose you. Consider yourself lucky awesome. It takes a team of excellence to make this Dirty Vegan (fake cheesy stuff and anything that's NOT fat free). 

This concludes this evening's Dirty Awards. Drive home safely. Stay Dirty. Salutations. And for now, the Dirty Vegan is signing off. Happy Birthday to Me!

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